February;

I'll be honest, every year, my birthday month has always been weird. I think it's definitely a month of lessons. Maybe a good hard trial to make sure I am prepared to enter another stage of life. This year, it's being 21. One thing for sure, it made me realise that I've spent far too long in the comfort zone. This thought spark after my boyfriend told me about endurance after he made sure I kept on running, even though I badly wanted to stop. But after running that distance, I actually felt really good. Good because I know I can run that far, good because I know I can do more, and good because someone believes in me. 

This month has been weird because of trials I didn't expect to face. I almost burn down the kitchen, which might have burn down the house. The air-conditioner in my (borrowed) car decided to bail on me after arguing with another reckless driver. I went to career fair only to discover I have lost all the confidence I had before. Yesterday, I got a call, a phone interview but answered all their questions badly. All these made me feel horrible about myself, I cried many nights beating myself about it. I got my last semester's result, and they're not good enough for internship. 

But this month has also been good. I realised that I have support and love from people around me; my family, my lover, and friends. The little and big trials made me realise how I might have been ignorant and under-appreciating the people in my life. I might have been thinking about myself way too much. "a pinch of salt" she would always say. I stopped by a masjid in bangsar the other day to perform maghrib and the ustadh was talking about friendship, it was as if God knew I need to here that. It made me miss a few of my friends. I hope you're doing alright.

This month my birthday celebration was definitely different than previous years. My friends surprised me with pizza and satay at one of the pondok in our uni. Malie slept over my place that night which made me feel loved. My boyfriend took me to poetry reading event which was wonderful, really. and we had sushi for dinner and I can't wait to someday go there together again and "make" our own sushi instead. 5 stars for a wonderful date. And that weekend I made spaghetti meatball for my family. Just as a thank you for providing me home for the last 21 years.

Thank you everyone, for the love and care, for the lessons and the reminders. I hope that no matter the circumstances, you will still go on with your life. I want that much for you as much as I want it for myself. To whoever that is reading this, take care of yourself and the people around you. Smile a little more, not just for your loved ones, but also for yourself. You need it more. Miracles happen in a mysterious way every day. You just have to open your eyes to realise it. Thank you for the wonderful month.